Who is Pseudo Dad?

I am Pseudo Dad. I live with Mum, The Boy (4), The Girl (5) and The Furry Boy - our one-year-old cat. I lived with Mum for around a year before The Boy and The Girl came to live with us. They'd lived with Biological Dad for just over a year after Mum and Biological Dad split, because Biological Dad ran off to live with his parents, leaving Mum to pay the mortgage on their old house they were selling, the rent on the new house they'd all just moved into, and all the child care as she was working full-time and he was stroking himself while in chat rooms, 24/7, after refusing to work for a good few years.

As Mum couldn't cope doing everything, they agreed that The Boy and The Girl would be best living at his parents with him for a bit. It was a horrible decision based on best intentions and the reality that Mum couldn't do everything and had no family near who could help. Everyone told Mum Biological Dad would fuck up. Mum hoped for the best. Biological Dad fucked up more than even his worst enemies could have guessed.

The Girl - an incredibly bright child - missed almost as much school as she went to. He lived around the corner, but just plain couldn't be bothered to take her. But it was The Boy who suffered most, losing a small patch of hair that the doctor we took him to - when Biological Dad refused to take him and accused Mum of over-reacting - said could only be caused by stress. We tried over and over and over again to get Biological Dad to realise the mistakes he was making, not to mention the effect they were having on The Boy and The Girl, but he wouldn't listen. We were left with no option but to take him to court to get custody of the kids so they'd be looked after properly and happy. I'd like to think he gave up the fight before the hearing because he knew they'd be better with Mum, but we both know he was just too lazy and scared to fight.

So, now I find myself all of a sudden living with a woman I love and two children who belong to another man. Biological Dad still sees them every other weekend, but never phones them. Every now and then we hear The Boy or The Girl saying something like "Daddy is going to hell because he's so mean to us" - none of us are religious by the way, so no idea where that comes from - or "We have two dads. One (Biological Dad) is mean because he never gets up to give us breakfast, but the other (Pseudo Dad, me) is nice." It's one hell of a lot to take on but I love them more than anything, and despite the bad effect Biological Dad has had on them they're the happiest, funniest, most secure kids you'll ever meet.

And then there's The Boy. I have found myself using phrases I never thought existed - see the top five moments below - and realised that I needed to keep a record of what The Boy and The Girl were like growing up - if only to use against them on their wedding days - and what it is like bringing up another man's children, especially when you're constantly making up for Biological Dad's mistakes. And here it is...

PD